Self-reflection to self-destruction

The past few days I’ve been feeling pretty down in the dumps. A lot of self-reflection and it’s been putting me in an agitated state. Mainly because I didn’t expect my life to be where it is at today. Not that I lead a deprived life, but I didn’t think I’d be almost 30, no where near finding my prince charming to start a family.

I identify certain points in my life with photos. The way I look mainly tells me how I was feeling at that moment in time. I think the last time I actually felt good about myself was January 2016 (see thumbnail). I went to Miami to celebrate my girlfriend’s bachelorette party, and felt like a million bucks (and looked it too)! I just felt like I had more control of my life. Why? Not exactly sure, but I know I want that back. This lack of confidence tells me that I’m not stable enough to meet anyone right now.

There’s a lot I want to accomplish/learn at this time:

-I want to learn how to play guitar

-I want to volunteer at nursing homes

-I want to have a killer tan ;)

-I want to lose 35 lbs

-I want to have glowing skin

-I want to buy a keyboard and play more piano

-I want to get rid of my spider veins

-I don’t want my thighs to touch

-I want a flat belly

-I want smaller boobs

-I want thinner arms

-I want a sexy back

-I want a small, but still shapely butt

-I want to get rid of the broken capillaries on my face

-Maybe Botox?

 

The list seems never ending. But really, I would like to accomplish a majority of these things. I just want to feel like I can run the world, and by accomplishing the above, I think it would do wonders for my self-esteem. I really need to come up with a game plan to get started on my improvement plan. Anyone have any ideas on how to get motivated? Serious lack of interest over here!