It’s the middle of September and I’m now realizing I turn 30 in about 6 months. This concept overwhelms me with mixed feelings. It’s comforting that I have a better grasp of who I am today, but I can’t help but focus on the growing pains that got me here.
I recently got out of a long-term relationship (5 years) and have been “riding solo” for 6 months. Although it has been extremely gratifying, I occasionally catch myself reflecting on the loss. I’d like to clarify -- I don’t miss “him.” The last few years that he was in my life negatively impacted my overall well-being. Unfortunately I was too blind to see it, but those closest to me expressed their concerns.
Thank you for showing your love and care for me (you know who you are).
In hindsight, I am very thankful for no longer being a part of that relationship, and welcome my unpredictable future with open arms!
I’m not going to fool you on how I handled my “road to recovery” post-breakup. I turned to online dating to keep myself occupied. Not my proudest moment, but it did remind me that I “still got it.” Might sound silly, but in my last relationship, my ex rarely validated his attraction to me. I’m not condoning that you need a man to justify your self worth, but I will say, going on these dates helped my mojo in a very materialistic/shallow manner.
During my dating escapades, I met a majority of nice guys (encouraging!), despite the horror stories I’ve heard through my cousins and friends. It makes me feel optimistic that someday I will meet someone who will truly love me for who I am. Until then, in order to be ready for this “epic love,” I need to feel good; I need to feel whole again! I used to have such a spice for life and pep in my step but it’s been missing for quite some time for many reasons.
As of today, I’m drawing a line in the sand, and plan to focus on myself. I’m going to get my mojo back! It’s official, operation “Julie’s turning 30” is in full force!
To start, I created a list of things that I enjoy (or used to) doing. This is where I landed:
-traveling (nationally and internationally)
-shopping
-getting manis/pedis
-spending time with my family
-spending time with my friends
-working out (running, yoga, HIIT)
-learning a language
-playing piano & guitar
-listening to live music
-cooking
-spending time with Sebastian
-being outdoors
-organizing
Nothing too profound, but it’s a start! By engaging in these basic interests, I hope to make improvements as I move into my 30s. By the time I’m 30, I would love to have a handle on my following flaws:
-Self-deprecation
-Weight gain (should lose at least 30 lbs)
-Ambivalence/detachment
-Hard-headedness
I realize that I’m my own toughest critic, and should also be compassionate towards my struggles, but the time is now to take back control. This blog/diary is here to help me capture my breakthrough moments, as well as the mundane, to keep myself honest. I hope that you find some entertainment in my trials, because personally I don’t like to take life too seriously. We’re only human.